Photo Credit: Raceytay
Those were my grandmother's words of wisdom for me last night. She sat there smiling while I talked about how different the kids are. I was saying to her, I just don't know what I'm going to do about my son. As I was going on and on, she just laughed in that knowing grandmother been there done that kind of way. She smiled and said “no two are alike.” Mema drove a school bus for 27 years and raised 4 children of her own so she has seen a lot of kids in her time. Then she told me a story of a time when one of her bosses said “you know Mrs. Duncan, I never hear about any trouble on your bus. How do you do it?” She told him, “No two children are alike. You just have to accept that and it makes life easier. There is no cure all for them, you just have to deal with them as individuals.”
I have learned in his 2.5 years of life that what works with my daughter does not work on him. I can tell her, that hurts mommy's feelings and she will apologize. If I say that to him, he just looks at me like I'm crazy and goes back to doing whatever he wants to do. Gotta love it! Or at least that's what I'm told. I was a teacher before having kids, so I knew that every child is different but I guess I didn't know it. Mema laughs at my stories, and says I know it's not funny to you honey but it is funny. That's the beauty of being a great grandmother, behavior issues aren't your problem.
My daughter is easy going, listens (most of the time!), petite, attentive, and delicate. My son is loud, rough, ornery, stubborn, and a tank. God gave me her before my son because He knew if my son was first, I would refuse to have another baby! My daughter is a very compliant child, and always has been. My son though he does things just to do them. If you tell him no he will look at you, smile, and do it anyways. Do you want a timeout? He will sit down, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Do you want a spanking? He will go get the spoon. Some days, all I can do is throw my arms up and laugh out of exasperation. Anyone else feel my pain here?
Discipline is important. But, there is no sure fire way to get your child to behave. I'm a living testimony to that. People who have compliant children think it's due to their superior parenting skills, nope, it's just how they were made. With that being said, let me publicly apologize if I ever had that air of superiority with you. My daughter is an easy going child, which made for easy going parenting. No need to focus all my energy on getting her to listen, just tell her and it's done. I'm now living on the other end of that spectrum and it's hard. All the parenting books and well meaning advice just do not apply. I've gotten to the point where I laugh and say ok sure, why don't you try that with him and let me know how it goes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being smug, I'm just exhausted!
Mema is right of course. We just have to deal with our children as individuals. I haven't found what works with my son but I'm going to keep trying. That's all we can do as parents, do the best we can with these little people who don't come with instructions. My first goal: not to lose my sanity in the process. The second? Well, I'll let you know after I have successfully completed the first.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. -Franklin P. Jones
i don’t know of any books, but i can tell you as a mother of two (5, 2) that the best way to dipliscine a child is follow through. i don’t know what kind of dipliscine you believe in, but the punishment should always be fitting for what the crime is i believe in spanking and it works but it shouldn’t always be used and i don’t believe in using anything but my hand the key is that whatever you threaten, you should ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH use one warning and then next should be following through with what you threatened the longer you wait to start disciplining, the harder it’s going to be and more frustrating, but you have to continue to work at it and trust me, it’ll be worth it lack of dipliscine is usually just due to laziness (not trying to offend) b/c it’s hard and takes a lot of energy i started my kids when they were 6 months old and you don’t even have to spank hard to get through to them if they know their boundaries, they feel safe and tend to behave so much better remember, you’re the boss, not her i have my kids trained to where i usually just have to say phrases like, do you want a spanking? they know i’ll follow through and it’s usually enough to where they stop doing what they’re not supposed to right away or how do you act? and they change their attitude time-outs are good for temper tantrums or when they’re being fussy children need time to cool down and think on their own my kids have never thrown a fit in public, i can take them everywhere with me b/c they behave the biggest issue i have with taking my kids anywhere with me is all the luggage you have to take with you! dipliscine works and you should only use what works for you my nephew doesn’t respond to spanking, so my sister-in-law uses other methods spanking may not be your thing or may not work, so be creative and good luck!